Weight loss chart

February 2009- 240lbs (BMI 37.6- classified as class II obesity)

-230 (bmi 36)

-220 (34.5 down to class I obesity)

-210 (32.9)

Went to school in September 2010 weighing 205lbs (32.1)

-200 (31.3)

-195 (30.5)

-190 (29.8 down to just considered overweight, not obese)

I’m now at 185 (29)

For a healthy weight, my goal is 170 lbs and my BMI healthy weight is 159 lbs. ..so I’m pretty sure that I can find a happy medium!  The positive is that, while looking at this chart, I got another boost of “YaY ME!”

5 pounds to go

So I have 10 more days until I go to school…and my goal is to get down to 180 (BMI -0.8) before I go back.  It’s not my magic number but I want to get there…and I will.  For the next few days, it’s lean protein and veggies…and that’s it! No more sugary foods, no more snacks from the bakery, no bread and no pasta.  My goal is for 3 days and then go from there.  It also means lots of exercise and water.  So here’s the goal for the next three days:

1) 8 cups (my Timmy’s cup) of water

2) No pasta or bread

3) 45 minutes of DDR/day

4) Lean protein and veggies for meals

I want to see how this goes and hopefully, I’m not too grumpy over the no pasta thing…

-Sam

my best friend is having her twin boys tomorrow!

So I got amazing news tonight!!! My best friend is having her twin boys tomorrow and I am so excited!  She has gone through so much in the past two years that these babies are the most amazing blessing EVER!  I am so excited for her!!!  I just got a phone call from her and I’m about ready to cry I’m so excited and happy!!!

On a quick “other” note…I ate about 1400-1500 calories today and only 2 unhealthy snacks (neither were AS bad as I thought they were).
Have a great night…sorry so skattered but YAY!

The weirdest thoughts are running through my mind…

As the title says, I’m having some crazy thoughts lately…lots of ideas running through my mind (welcome to the bipolar life).  Instead of trying to write a paragraph here and there, I’m just going to list it so here goes nothing!!

1) I had a dream that an older lady in our church, in the middle of a group of people, said she was a lesbian.  Everyone was quiet and awkward…I woke up laughing!

2) I had a dream this morning that someone took a breath and blew it out on my face (like you do to a baby to get them to breathe when they’re crying).  It woke me up 15 minutes before my alarm went off.

3) There was a man at work today who I honestly wanted to suggest he go to the hospital because he was SO angry…I figured he was either in pain, had a mood disorder or was going to have a heart attack because he looked like his blood pressure was through the roof!  Honestly, how do you stay angry in a French Bakery???  The smells alone make me cherry!

4) I made pickled crab apples today for the first time ever.  They are absolutely beautiful and taste amazing!  Incidentally, I had heard from my friends that they gave people a “high” feeling…so I tested them out on my parents, grand parents and myself (without anyone knowing except me).  Sadly, no one saw any pink elephants or experienced weird giddyiness…oh well.

5) I am so excited for school to start! I love being in my dorm room, studying like crazy, having crazy adventures with my friends, late night pizza parties, running at 6:30am in the gym, and maybe some studying here and there.  Of course, there is also seeing my husband who I MISS like crazy!  I haven’t seen him in two weeks and the last two times I’ve seen him, I have been sick.  He is the guy that makes me melt a little bit inside and makes me smile until it hurts.  Yes, I’m in love…and I love it!

6) Husband…wow, what a mess we’ve had over the past long while, too long.  I don’t know how I can love someone who hurt me so much…but I don’t know how he can love me after I hurt him so much.  He isn’t “a” guy in my life…he is “the” guy in my life.  I remember saying once that being in love is terrible because it can so easily lead to hate.  I was sort of wrong.  Being in love isn’t terrible, it’s great…but love is passionate and passion is good OR bad.  We’ve been passionate in a good way.  We’ve been in love, we’ve been completely connected…and we’ve been so far apart that all we want to do it hurt the other person as much as they hurt us.  The thing is…forgiving him was never an option…it just is.  I can’t have a whole life without him.  My heart felt broken when he wasn’t around, I couldn’t breathe as deeply, I couldn’t sleep right…it just hurt.  And finally, when he hugs me it’s insane.  He holds me and the world spins a bit faster, my knees just shake and I can’t explain it.  I can talk to him about anything…from a crappy day to my friends…to his life, friends…and BOTH our families.  I am in love…and as weird as things are…it’s forever and ever.

7) I am now addicted to Degrassi….it’s my guilty pleasure andd I’m not giving it up

Well, there’s the list…it’s been a day but I’m happy.  I have been eating…well, I’ve been eating crap lately…but I’ve been doubling my exercise and feeling good (found a new muscle in my leg..inner thighs are getting toned, baby!).

GOAL FOR TOMORROW: Eat a healthy Breakfast, dinner and supper.  Easy goal tomorrow

Scary thoughts

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/super-size-me-when-bloggers-approve-and-glorify-obesity/article1534783/

I have no idea how to turn the above website into a link but this is scary.  I came across this article randomly and I actually wanted to cry.  People who are obese are almost glorifying the feeling of being “soft” and out of shape, the feeling of being so full.  What bothered me was one Canadian blogger who claimed to be 550lbs.  I completely believe in the medicare system that Canada has but to me, this seems like an abuse of the system.  Here I am, working my butt off (literally and figuratively) to be healthy…and this woman is setting herself up for a heart attack, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure etc…and our taxes are the same…This is painful.  Again, I’m not knocking the medicare system but I hate the abuse of a social benefit.

I understand that it is so much easier to be bigger…especially when you’re just larger.  I don’t mean it’s psychologically easier or “world” easier but it’s easier.  When I go to a restaurant, I panic a little bit…and order a salad (no dressing).  When I think about going a day without exercising, sometimes I worry that I’m sinking back into a habit.  Here’s the thing…I have brought myself up…worked on myself, made myself better…and you know what, I like myself better!!!  If I let myself slip back, I’d be disappointed…if I were 55lbs heavier, I wouldn’t have anything to be disappointed in.  That’s where I think it would be easier.  It’s easier to not worry…to not think what if?

My “what if’s” go even further.  I have been very adamant about not wanting children.  Part of it is because I’m scared of that level of commitment with anyone (including my husband), I’m scared of giving a child a life of bipolar disorder and anxiety attacks, and I’m very scared of gaining a ton of weight.  I am okay being called shallow…I’m not a kid person anyways…and I understand why other people want/like children but it’s hard for me to justify.

This is the first time in my life that I look in the mirror and LIKE what I see.  It’s the first time I feel pretty and enjoy my body…not just criticize it.  I know that this article isn’t bringing up all these insecurities but it’s easy to start thinking…and I do a lot of that.
BTW, I went for a run tonight…(well sorta a walk/run)…and love it…my knees are a bit sore but it feels wonderful to be out in the cool air, the night sky and my Ipod (a dieters best friend) just going at my own pace.  Hopefully, I will have time to keep walking in university.  I’m sure going to try!!  G’night!

-Sam

From Health to Kittens

Good evening Blogworld,

The good news is that the dentist was not horribly painful nor did it cost anything.  I went up because my dissolving stitches didn’t dissolve.  I had the top right stitches cut out (big scissors, no pain and immediately felt better), left the office…and realized there were MORE stitches on the bottom left corner of my mouth!  I went back to the dentist and those stitches weren’t as friendly.  That area of my mouth was sore and I guess I tore open some of the healed skin eating a hot dog today.  Oh my WOW!  That HURT!!!  Luckily, it is now over and done with and hopefully, I am healthy and happy again shortly. (as I was writing this, I found another stitch)

So here is me last night I was trying to make mom smile for a photo and look good so was like “just do this and you’ll always look cool…”  This proves that you do NOT always look cool when doing that.  Now, I actually really like this photo of me even though I look like a complete idiot.  Mom and I had a great night out to dinner (where this picture was taken).  I had the crab cakes with a garlic/lime mayo and mom had a beet salad with warmed goat cheese.  We both had a scallop and lobster pasta with spinach.  Dessert…oh wow…was a chocolate mousse for me and a lemon/raspberry trifle for mom.  It was an absolutely amazing night out.

This is where I tell people to enjoy cheating.  You can be “good” for the rest of your life but sometimes…even once a year…cheating on a diet is NOT going to pack on those 5, 10 or 100 lbs that you lost.  Memories, no matter how many people say they can be replaced, are often surrounded by food.  Let’s embrace it, enjoy it and savor it…in moderation.

The next thing is kittens…mom is the local dog constable on the Island and this means taking pets away to be adopted by other people.  Today she took away a cat and her six kittens.  The shelter was full so mom brought home six kittens and the momma kitty (her name is now Spay and she’s family) to stay with us until they are big enough to be adopted out.

Spay and her kittens

Please people, spay/neuter your pets.  If you cannot afford to, don’t get the animal.  Spay is a great addition to our family and she really is a sweetie.  Anyways, I’m gunna go do a salt water rinse, take some antibiotics and chill for the night.

Later!

weight loss photos

Basically, the first is from June 2008 up until April 2010…and i’ve lost another 21lbs…so will be adding MORE photos when I actually have some taken   First photo was taken at 240lbs, second was taken at 210 (i think), third is at 205ish, and now, I’m 185…those photos will take a little bit because i don’t really really like mirror photos but I think I’m gunna have to!

I give up on men

Me with my crazy new hairstyle, extensions in (pretty sure that I said I was going to post this earlier but couldn’t get it to work).

Do I love my bf? Yeah…I married him 5 years ago yesterday.  Am I upset with him? YEP!!!  Look, I get that my past is my past and I’m not exactly the most ‘perfect’ person…at all…but seriously, I hate this whole “I don’t know if I can get over the past” from him.  Yeah, there is a past.  It’s there…I’m working on dealing with it!  I know I’m whining and I’m irritated but oh well…Here’s hoping things get better soon.  My stomach hurts worrying about this.

Blackberry Jam

So…I am feeling better and picked another 2.5 liters of berries…blackberries.  I don’t like blackberries and I am also allergic to them (good reason not to like them, eh?).  So, I am making jam, picking more in the early afternoon and then getting to work on Wednesday (I think).   I am actually really good at making jam so I’m kinda excited for this.  Some will be Christmas presents…others will wind up being given away…and still others, will wind up sitting in my freezer (freezer jam…super easy) at home.

I can safely say not liking a sugary food is a GREAT way to not eat the stuff I make…even better when you swell up over the sugary sweet stuff.

Missed writing

I missed writing here lately but being sick has SUCKED!  I had my wisdom teeth out on Wednesday at about noon.  Wednesday night I would up in the hospital having some sort of reaction to all the drugs I had.  I had a bit of a fever and was just miserable.  Anyways, whoever says having your teeth out is a breeze…they MIGHT be telling the truth in their experience but there is always a downside.  Me, I got the downside.  I haven’t eaten “real” food since Tuesday night and I’ve been given an Oxycodine/antibiotic/Advil regime that I am following to manage pain and hopefully, feel better ASAP!  I’m sick of feeling like crap.

Now that the whining is over…I WEIGHT 185lbs! (BMI: 29) Here’s the thing: I haven’t weighed that much since BEFORE I got married in 2005.  I weighed that much when I graduated HIGH SCHOOL! It’s friggin’ amazing.  That little black dress looks absolutely amazing (yes, even when sick, I had to try it on).  Now, I know that losing weight via starvation/fasting/super low-cal diets are unhealthy but really, I’m sick.
Now, on a shallow me moment…so there was a couple of weddings this weekend.  I am a little cynical about weddings (by a little, I really mean a LOT).  One of these two couples I truly believe are going to be together forever and are adorable.  The other couple….well, let’s just say good luck and sweetie…your husband is a lot of fun to play with.  Yeah, okay…I know that’s mean to say but the whole “on again, off again,” spread the wild oats etc etc etc is just like screaming “sure, you’re going to have a very happy life together…until he doesn’t get what he wants or you don’t get what you want…but good luck.”  I have NEVER admitted to being a nice person.  I’m no sweetheart.

Next thing, my ex-husband who I am legally separated from…I’m going to attempt to explain this situation.  J.T and I got married in 2005.  We dated long-distance, got married at 19 and basically, stood no chance of making it…and we didn’t.  He emailed back and forth with an ex, told her that he loved her and they were going to meet up…Now, I’m no perfect wife here.  I never cheated, didn’t even attempt too…but I wasn’t exactly nice either.  I was a jerk, took him for granted and definitely was just nasty sometimes.  So, I can sort of understand why he was upset….but I’m not justifying cheating emotionally or physically.

J.T and I took a year off from each other…sort of.  We stayed in touch, attempted to date (with a LOT of hatred on my part).  Well, needless to say I didn’t exactly just date him…I basically got drunk on the weekends and played “pick a guy” which wound up in disaster (that part I’m not getting into but I’m healthy, no STD’s or pregnancy).  I told JT I wasn’t interested in him and he dated some girl when he was down South.  Needless to say, I got FURIOUS (okay, I am a jealous person and I KNOW I should have behaved better but I’m the crazy ex-girlfriend).  His mother got involved by basically liking ANY girl that wasn’t me…and I blew up.  I emailed the new girlfriend, emailed the mother and gave him a large piece of my mind.  This was not my finest hour but something happened and I needed someone…guess who was there?  Yep, JT.  He broke up with the gf, I gave up on other guys and realized…JT is the right guy for me but we needed to grow up.

We are now dating…we get to see each other sometimes when we’re not working.  We’re talking every night, emailing each other and really getting to know one another again.  He really is a great guy but I’ve learned a LOT about myself in this process such as:

1) I need to be in school right now.  I need a career and I need to focus on myself.

2) I may be in love but my love can walk away.  I can’t take people for granted.

3) My weight changes when I get upset…so I need to watch that.  If I’m upset, put down the pizza pie.

4) I am a good person.   He is a good person.  We just were not good together.  This time it could easily blow up in my face again or we could make it work because we’ve grown up…here’s hoping we’re growing up.

The thing I’ve learned that does have to do with weight loss is that LIFE will keep going on even when we’re dieting.  The chocolate in the world will not evaporate.  The people who try to sabotage weight loss are still there.  Our emotions will still say “Eat the cookie” but for me, it’s time to realize that the cookie is not worth feeling amazing the other 99% of the time.  I have no desire to be the fat chick.  I have no desire to be the one who feels out of place around thinner people or look at myself and feel like I’m not in shape.

My goal is to be 160 pounds (BMI 25.1) by December.  So, this means, I’m going to have to lose 25 more pounds in 4 months.  That is 6.25 pounds each month OR 1.56lbs/week.  Now, this is a rather high goal.  However, it is reasonable considering I am going to be in school and have an unlimited membership to the gym.  Here goes nothing!!!!